I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
