My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
