dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
