You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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