I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
