Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
