White coat. Heels.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
