I'm drive I can fine osifer
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize