"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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