So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
