Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
