yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And then my night got REAL pukey
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
