I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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