I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
