There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
birth control should be required to get into college
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The ass gains better be worth it
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