Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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