just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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