tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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