Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize