This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
