her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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