Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
