I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
