Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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