Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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