Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
