the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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