Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
