Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
