I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
