if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This toilet bowl is my home.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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