I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
whose parrot is this?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
