New invention idea: vibrating tampons
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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