My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
