Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
