the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
