I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
People in love make me want to vomit
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
