I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
