Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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