I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
