How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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