you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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