Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
