FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
