I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
