Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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