So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
