oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
