I got chris browned last night
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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