Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
