Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
