I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
