so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
