then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
