i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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