I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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