I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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