I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
