ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
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