If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
