Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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