he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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