Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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