did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize