I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
