he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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