So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
