I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Drunk is not a location!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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