I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
