this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
