Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
