So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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