I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
