also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
