Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
