and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
