while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
