then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
