Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
