Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
