Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This baby is an asshole
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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