Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
