she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
