I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
