they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
