if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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